Lesson 7: Discovery of the Two Selves

Today I started to read this book called, The Inner Game of Tennis, by W. Timonthy Gallwey. It's a book that looks at the mental side to the game of tennis. In the second chapter, the book talks about the discovery of the two selves, which is about the way tennis players talk to themselves on the court. Usually there is instructor (I) telling the doer (myself) to perform the action. "I'm talking to myself" says most people.

For clarity, Gallway calls the "teller" Self 1 and the "doer" Self 2. He says that sometimes Self 1 can be very hard on Self 2. Self 1 can complain to Self 2, criticize and not trust Self 2. He is responsible for the error, but he heaps the blame on Self 2 and then, by condemning it further, undermines his one confidence in Self 2. As a result, the tennis player gets worse and frustration builds.

After thinking about this concept of the two selves, I realize that not only do I find myself criticizing and blaming myself while I'm playing tennis, but also just in my daily life. Today, a bunch of my friends, family, and family friends were going to eat at Goma Tei, a Japanese restaurant. It closed at 9:30, and I got their at 9:25. The kitchen closed at 9:30 and we needed to order. At the time, I only thought that it was just going to by my parents and friends coming to dinner, so I called all of them and ordered food for them. However, at 9:40, a bunch of my family friends come in, people who I didn't order food for. I honestly didn't know that they were coming and I felt sooo bad. "I" was blaming "myself" for something that was a miscommunication error. I think that not only in this incident, but there are several other incidences where I can be really hard on myself for something that's not my fault. I think that blaming myself and being hard on myself has resolved in my lack of confidence and self-esteem. I need to understand that I'm not perfect and I can't make things perfect. I need to know that it's okay if things don't go well. I need to stop blaming myself and to start having confidence in myself.