Last week, I was at a retreat where I read a excerpt of Henri Nouwen's book Life of the Beloved, where he writes that the greatest trap is the trap of self-rejection.
I think we all know what I'm talking about. I often fall in the trap of believing the negative voices that say that "I'm not good enough; I'm ugly; I'm worthless." And even though I am still give words of affirmation and receive praise from my peers, somehow all these signs of love aren't sufficient to convince me that I am the Beloved. Nouwen writes, "Aren't you like me, hoping that some person, thing, or event will come along to give you that final feeling of inner well-being you desire? Don't you often hope: 'may this book, idea, course, trip, job, country, or relationship fulfill my deepest desire.' " "As soon as someone accuses me or critcizes me, as soon as I am rejected, left alone, or abandoned, I find myself thinking: 'Well, that proves once again that I am nobody.' Instead of taking a critical look at the circumstances or trying to understand my own and others' limitations, I tend to blame myself--not just for what i did, but for who I am."
But the truth is that you and I are beloved. It is the most intimate truth of all human beings. And I am learning to reject and rebuke these negative lies that I hear. (Matt 3:17)
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